Many disagreements are caused by misunderstandings. These can be as simple as someone not accurately hearing what the other said. Or they can be misinterpreting the other’s actions in the worst possible way.
Two words can head off escalating the misunderstanding into a full-fledged argument, with loud voices, emphatic inflection, and accusatory words.
Instead of declaring inaccurate conclusions, condemning perceived motives, and mischaracterizing behaviors, try these two words instead.
These days we have to be careful about touching people, yet we still want to embrace others, to show them we care about them.
Try a verbal hug* instead.
Photo: Rebecca Morgan, Gualala, CA
You may have heard the term “microaggression”—a form of bullying defined as brief exchanges that send denigrating messages to individuals because of their group membership. I believe we can broaden the definition to any subtle bullying—eye-rolling after someone’s comment, verbal digs and zings, ignoring someone’s suggestions in a meeting, and other disparagements. These can happen even when both parties are part of the same group.
We’ve all received these kind of disrespectful behaviors. They are designed to dismiss us, to put us down, to signal we don’t have value. Some of us have even perpetrated these, perhaps when younger and not conscious of the effect they have on others.
Photo: From the Mermaid Academy, Boracay, Philippines
Odd. Different. Weird.
Have you been called one (or more) of these? If so, you’re far from alone.
This may be a key to your success.
Photo: Rebecca Morgan with 5-year-old Luca in Kayseri, Turkey
These are a few of the dozens of examples this year of people promising something then not following through.
What is a mini-mentor? Someone who advises you in one area of their expertise.
Cultivate many of them. Why?
Frivolous: unworthy of serious attention; trivial; of little value.
“And then he said…then she said…and then…and then…” and on and on. Have you been on the listening end of frivolous talk? You know it when you hear it, when someone prattles on and on about people you don’t know, will never meet, and don’t care about. Or when someone keeps talking and talking, saying little, perhaps even repeating themselves. A friend has a saying for this: “I’m just talking here — not saying anything.”
Have you found yourself spending time involved in — or listening to — more frivolous talk than you’d care to? I know I have. But I also had an experience that made me realize how much I contribute to frivolous talk.
Photo: Rebecca Morgan, Gualala, CA
You may have heard the term “microaggression”—a form of bullying defined as brief exchanges that send denigrating messages to individuals because of their group membership. I believe we can broaden the definition to any subtle bullying—eye-rolling after someone’s comment, verbal digs and zings, ignoring someone’s suggestions in a meeting, and other disparagements. These can happen even when both parties are part of the same group.
We’ve all received these kind of disrespectful behaviors. They are designed to dismiss us, to put us down, to signal we don’t have value. Some of us have even perpetrated these, perhaps when younger and not conscious of the effect they have on others.
“Why stay we on the earth except to grow?” —Robert Browning
Most people would agree with Browning. Unfortunately, growth doesn’t always come easily; often we feel “stuck.” If you’re feeling stuck, here’s a formula to help you get unstuck:
“She won’t want to be on the committee. She’s too busy.”
“He wouldn’t like this new project. He likes what he’s doing now.”
“He has a family at home so won’t want to take the trip to visit the new customer.”
“She doesn’t like public speaking so we shouldn’t ask her to speak at the conference.”
It happens in one’s personal life:
“He won’t want to accompany me to the class/concert/play.”
“She’s fussy about eating so we she won’t want to join us to try the new restaurant.”
“He’s not a big outdoors buff so we shouldn’t bother inviting him to join our hike.”
“She doesn’t like crowds so we won’t ask her to come to the parade.”
